literature

Shepard's Dinner

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Shepard's Dinner
By:Richard Coimbra
Universe: Mass Effect (III)
Characters
Primary: FemShep, Liara
Secondary: Garrus, Kaiden, Ashley, Joker, James, Jenkins
Content: Mild Language

The mess hall was dark. It was in the middle of a duty shift and consequently, Shepard was the only person sitting at the table. In fact, she had the whole compartment to herself.  Most days the Commander avoided eating with her crew because she didn't want them to suffer the discomfort of having to eat with their CO. There were also less noble reasons for limiting contact with the majority of the crew. Hearing people tell you of your greatness or hushed whispers of awe may stroke the egos of other people, but Shepard had heard enough praise to last a lifetime. Their image of the Commander was a fiction. They only saw the Alliance Navy poster child that was touted as "The Savior of the Citadel". They didn't know the real her.  They don't know about the times she'd failed. The friends she had lost.

That is what made Liara's visit last night so special. She wasn't like the starry-eyed ensigns or the marines at a bar offering to buy round in her honor.  Liara knew Shepard in a way that few did. The archeologist may be young by Asari standards, but she had become a great observer of people since assuming her new Shadow Broker persona.  Even more, Liara and Shepard's mind had….touched a few years back. During the hunt for Saren Shepard had needed some help deciphering the Prothean beacon. Just thinking about the experience of being lifted helplessly into the air while the alien technology rammed millennia old nightmares into her head still made her stop to take a deep breath. She hadn't felt that helpless since Akuze.

Liara used her gifts as an Asari to join their two minds and organize the hopelessly confusing information given by the ancient race that had once ruled the galaxy. As a byproduct, Liara had an insight into the famous Commander Shepard that few alive could claim. It still astounded Shepard that despite knowledge of all her flaws, fears, and insecurities Liara had chosen to include Shepard in her time capsule for future generations. It had taken all of her composure not to tear up as she realized the honor being placed in her lap. Liara was the truest sort of friend. She needed to let her know that more often.

A large growl from Shepard's gut brought her back to the present and she gazed down hungrily at the meal on the table in front of her. A baked potato, carrots, and two buttery rolls might not sound like much to someone back home, but in the navy where synthetic substitutes were all too common, this was a special treat for a job well done. Tuchanka had been quite a trial after all. She greedily began eating her dinner with a gusto she never would have allowed her subordinates to see. It was times like these her background as a street urchin really became apparent.  The Normandy's senior officer noisily ate her food with only casual attention to silly things like keeping her mouth closed, elbows off the table, or even using a fork. She had no idea how long Liara stood there watching. Being Liara, instead of say Joker, she politely coughed to give Shepard the chance to recover. Unfortunately for her, no amount of manners could negate the shame of trying to hastily swallow the bulging lump of potato in her throat. With an audible gulp, Shepard forced down the last of her bite and looked up and almost sighed with relief that Joker or Vega weren't the ones to catch her in her sorry state. "I'm sorry I didn't see you there Liara", Shepard said while wiping her mouth with a napkin while making a welcoming gesture with her free hand. "Please, take a seat. I honestly wonder when you eat if ever with all that time you spend reading the galaxy's mail. Actually, now that you're here, can you tell me something?"

"Of course Shepard" the young Asari replied suddenly very intent, "anything I can do to help."

"Good! Then can you tell me something embarrassing about Garrus only the Shadow Broker would know?" Liara blinked in slight confusion but Shepard plowed ahead.  "I need ammo for the next time he tries to take credit for something I clearly did like killing that Thresher Maw during Grunt's proving. I want a real dozy that will put the upstart in his place. It was so close! And there was no Mako this time around. You should have…" Shepard trailed off as the smile fled from her face.  But the unspoken message still hung in the air between the two women sitting at the table.

You should have been there Liara.

Shepard had never resented Liara's choice not to join her during her desperate crusade against the Collectors.  They had both remained true to their respective responsibilities. In many ways, Liara's choice to become the Shadow Broker had been invaluable in the fight against the Reapers before and after their arrival in the Milky Way.  But she knew Liara still felt a crushing guilt for "abandoning" her friend. She had said so only the night before. And despite all the reassurance Shepard could give, that slight hint of guilt was always just behind those sapphire blue eyes. So, Shepard mentally kicked herself for carelessly saying something that would add weight to an already heavy conscience and began again, instead, trying to dispel the storm clouds forming around Liara. A change in tactics would be required

"You can't imagine how bad that thing smelt" the red haired Specter said with mock solemnity. "Imagine, for a moment, that awful stench from the Thorian's lair and imagine it coming from a Krogan's ass." That last bit of emphasized crudeness had the intended effect shocked Liara right out of the aura of gloom that had descended after Shepard's misstep surprisingly and managed to provoke an equally deadpan response.

"Well, perhaps I should inform you about why Garrus prematurely left the party we had after defeating Sovereign including; how drunk he was, what he ate that he shouldn't have, and what rather embarrassing and smelly problems it caused our poor Turian friend over the following days." They both sat there with their faces the very picture of serious concern until they both broke into a fit of giggles, and in Shepard's case a bit of snorting, most unbecoming a decorated officer of the Alliance Navy and the most nefarious information dealer in Citadel Space.

"Wow, I hope no one heard any of that" Shepard said while looking sheepishly over her shoulder. She was just glad the trick had worked. Not to mention the fact that she now had something fun she could use to tweak Garrus' nose...face…thing. "Yes. We wouldn't want such sensitive information falling into the wrong hands" Liara said while nodding in agreement.

"But Seriously Liara, I am truly grateful for all of the support you provide by being the Shadow Broker. Without you," the Commander said, while waving her fork around in an expansive gesture, "none of this would be possible."  With that Shepard started again on the remains of her meal with perhaps a little more restraint.

"Pretty good for an archeologist I suppose" Liara said this time looking directly into Shepard's eyes. "But I do not think I deserve too much praise. I attended the best of schools and was raised by a loving mother who was one of the most respected matriarchs on Thessia. I have certainly worked hard to be where I am now, but not as hard as you, not even close." The last words were almost a whisper.

"Oh lighten up Dr. T'soni!" Shepard said with a mouth full of food. "Don't think that just because you're some," she paused for an eye-bulging gulp," Biotic Spymaster doesn't mean I will let you wallow in misguided self-pity! You are a guide, friend, and the bravest Asari I know," she said emphasizing the sentence by stabbing the last piece of carrot on her tray.

"Why, thank you Shepard. That really means a lot." She paused and began again innocently, "Though, I have to wonder. Am I your favorite Biotic Spymaster on the citadel?"  The look of blissful contentment from a meal well enjoyed that had occupied Shepard's face just a moment before was replaced with a flat expression that only grew darker when she saw Liara's smug grin. "Really Liara? I mean really!" With that, Shepard began fuming on defensively over what was obviously a touch subject. Of course, Liara didn't have the decency to feel ashamed at having provoked her friend into a fit. It was her playful way of getting back at the woman who kept telling her to let go of guilt when Shepard was the last person in the galaxy in the position to ask her that. The woman carries the weight of the galaxy's war against the Reapers on her back. And unlike everyone else, she has been carrying it for years now instead of months.  She wasn't going to let herself be lectured about anything guilt related by her old friend. What she would do is push buttons giving her a chance to let off some steam without anyone under her responsibility being present. Then again, Liara thought, perhaps she pushed the wrong button this time. She is still going at it.

"…I just was so mad because of how that shopkeeper had treated me like dirt! She was acting like I was still one of the Tenth Street Reds with mud on my face instead of an Alliance officer. And then the next shop we visited offered to give me a discount." She paused as the frustration in her expression softened, "At that point I was just looking to feel good and I gave the shop my endorsement." Shepard neglected to mention that on her subsequent visits to the wards she had endorsed five other stores in a similar fashion but that needn't be addressed right now seeing as that was the real cause for her embarrassment. Liara still wanted to know what had possessed her to throw herself around (metaphorically speaking) like that. But that was a definitely a topic for another day.
Seeing that her playful jab had dug a little deeper than intended, Liara began the conversation anew on a more positive, if not less embarrassing topic. "So, Shepard, have you heard the news about Kaiden?" The sudden change in the topic of conversation took Shepard by surprise. No one among the crew, except for a few close friends, knew about the complicated nature of the relationship between Major Alenko and Commander Shepard.

"I actually got a letter from him" she began, "and I am happy that moron Udina finally decided to do something useful with his council seat. I think he will make a fantastic Specter. I also expect he will be less of a headache for the council then I am" Shepard finished with a faint smile. An uncomfortable moment passed before Liara prodded the conversation forward, "Do you plan on visiting with him when we get back to the citadel?"

"If we can manage it, yeah" she replied without meeting the Asari's gaze. Seeing that tonight that there was no headway to be made, Liara chose to back off. She would be there for Shepard weather she liked it or not, she could see when she needed her space.

"I'm glad. He still cares for you Shepard, deeply", Liara said while reaching out to give Shepard's hand a squeeze. "So do the rest of us. Try to remember that next time you start thinking you have to face all of this by yourself." Liara stood up and started back to the office that serves as both her work and living space. Just before she entered stepped through the door she paused and said, "Good Night Shepard".  Then she was gone and the room was empty.

For some reason the conversation had left Shepard unsettled and she quickly left the table and walked to the main elevator to escape the Mess Hall that had become suddenly uninviting. She punched the button for her personal quarters and mere few seconds later, she was undressing and wiping the modest makeup she wore from her face. One of the perks of being an elite Special Forces operative was the freedom to indulge in a more civilian appearance. When she wasn't on an Alliance ship or base it was perfectly normal for N7s like her to be dressed in common street clothes with a hair style to match. The idea behind the exception to the rule was operators would be able to blend into crowds during assignments that required a more subtle presence than battle armor could provide. It was also a cause of grumbling among the more "by the book" types in Alliance High Command. Shepard secretly relished the freedom her status offered. She liked to look pretty and she didn't think it hampered her ability to thwart rouge Specters or inhabit the nightmares of Terminus Systems mercenary bands. It also helped make up for earlier days when she didn't have the luxury of worrying about appearance. The thought of the past brought back the dark mood, she had been trying to avoid, with full strength. She hastily finished cleaning up and threw herself onto the bed.  Some nights were just harder than others and it seemed the ghosts of the past were determined to keep her up a little longer.  The Normandy was due to arrive at the Citadel in just nine hours. She had many things to do when she got back, but the one that mattered the most to her was finding time to speak with Kaiden. The last time they'd spoken they had broached the topic of their relationship. She was both eager and nervous about another face to face talk with the Major.

As a young woman, Shepard had never had a boyfriend or anything like one. She had realized early on that romance clouded judgment. So the crazy little thing called love, and anything else that lowered her chances of daily survival, was thrown out the airlock.  Pragmatism had ruled her life for as long as she could remember. It had served her well from her earliest days on the street until she enlisted in the Marines. There, Shepard finally found a place where she could be a worthwhile part of human society and use the skills she acquired to help those in need. This, admittedly, made her feel better than using her hard-won skills to help herself… or a thug that happened to wear the same colors she did. Never the less, she still avoided letting herself get… close to anyone. She just couldn't shake the suspicions she had cultivated during her youth. How could she ever know that a man loved her?  Not her body. Not what she could do for him. How could she ever, truly, be safe?

She knew it wasn't just men. She had grown wary of everyone as a necessity of survival.  Shepard had come to expect that no matter how many friends she made, or how long she spent away from the slums that had been her teacher for so long; she would always be alone. No one had been there to look after her when she had joined one of the poorest gangs in Houston for protection from another group of hoodlums she had unintentionally offended. No one had helped her come to the quiet realization that if she kept living that life, she would never have a future…or even live to see her nineteenth birthday. She had walked alone into the Alliance recruiting station in Sunnyside. And for a time, the Alliance seemed to offer all the solutions that a determined, but ultimately scared and lonely girl had needed. She thought she had finally found the sense of fellowship she so desperately needed, but had been starved of her whole life. All of that was taken away during one day and one night on Akuze. She had survived where no one else had. Fate had laughed at her attempts to form a connection with other human beings and had returned her to her proper state.

Alone.

After her recovery, Commander Shepard excelled in the Alliance Military riding a tide of promotions and glowing personnel reports. She was always described as focused, responsible, and full of initiative. But her relationships with her peers remained professional. Her friendships were superficial at best. There was no real connection. It was just business. She developed the reputation as something of a loner; a tech specialist that preferred the company of her Omni-tool and repair drone to that of her fellow crew. She wasn't rude… just distant.  That began to change when she was assigned to the Normandy as Captain Andersons XO.  Somehow Joker, the sarcastic pilot of the new ship, began to pick away at the layers of armor she had put on and get to the person underneath. An enthusiastic Marine named Jenkins managed to worm his way into Shepard's heart and cause her to look after him like the little brother she had never had… or even known she had wanted.  And she had met Lieutenant Alenko, a kindhearted and focused biotic who steadily became more than a friend.

Her mind immediately returned back to their reunion on Horizon and the pain she felt now as she did then. But Shepard determined tonight would be different. Then a thought occurred to her. Instead of being haunted by the past, perhaps she could instead use it to find solace. She quickly forced the image of his rejection and her pitiful attempts to defend herself out of her mind and began to replace it with another. It was hard at first but after a few moments of trying the effort became easier.  It was a time before the Reapers had attacked Earth and long before she had destroyed the Collector Base.  It was from a time when the Normandy was smaller and Shepard couldn't have said she had a non-human friend.  It was the first time she had ever set foot on the Citadel. She shared her awe of the massive space station with her two fellow crew mates Kaiden and Ashley.  Then, she had no idea the events that would unfold over the following months or how close she would grow to the man and woman beside her. They had no way of knowing that of the three people who laughed and smiled together that evening, two would be dead by years end.

They had stood in awe, gazing through window that offered a view of the scale and beauty of the galactic capitol.  After a minute of silence, they began to talk about the wonder of such a big galaxy and humanities place in it. During that talk Kaiden made a slip of speech that confirmed the sneaking suspicions in her mind that the young Lieutenant was interested in his commanding officer.  And at that same time she determined that maybe, this time, she just might let something happen. And something had happened. Maybe…something could happen again? It was that happy thought, and a belly full of warm food, that carried her off to sleep and for a little while, Commander Julia Shepard knew peace.
Well, I am a new member and this is my first ever deviation so I really hope I am able to post this correctly and have it show up.

This story takes place during the events of Mass Effect 3 at the end of Act I and the beginning of Act II. Priority Tuchanka and Liara's Project have just occurred and the Normandy is on the way back to the Citadel which is where a lot of spoilerific things happen.

My experience with femshep is very limited, but I tried to do my research and make the writing tell the background and choices for me. Comments and suggestions are always welcome.

Enjoy

Mass Effect and everything pertaining there too is owned by Bioware and EA. I claim nothing and own nothing except for Julia.
© 2012 - 2024 Richard-Coimbra
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moreeman06's avatar
I liked it, some of the dialogue for Liara atleast seemed a little stiff but it was all in character. Also on the part were your shep talks about Garrus there's a typo in the dialogue at this part "I really something"